Dear Judge…

This is a letter I wrote to my district judge after my ex-husband, who I have a protection order, was stalking me. He would drive around the neighborhood where I lived, and stop me while I was walking.

Dear Sir:

In April of this year, you signed a protection order for me and my two children guarding against my ex-husband. You upheld this protection order in court at a hearing in which he tried to have the protection order dropped. If you will remember, he lied to you during this hearing, denying all the documented statements and threats that I included with the application for the order, including the threat to murder me, which my sister attested to and you read at the hearing.

I am including with this letter a description of three separate incidents that have happened recently. My ex-husband has been following me in his vehicle when I walk, turning around deliberately, and trying to stop me to “talk” to me. As you will see in the reports, the city police were notified, but since I have no other physical evidence or witnesses, they would not arrest him for violating the protection order. He lied to the police, as he lied to you, stating that he never did these things, which I have outlined for you in detail.

I apologize for not reporting anything to you sooner. I was unaware I could report these things to you or the police until I talked with my sister, who used to deal with these things in a previous job. My ex-husband and I both go to AA, and I have seen him in the same meetings as me. I did not chase him away from meetings, even allowing him to speak to me — I was thinking that at least he may be working on a program, wanting to be sober, and who was I to keep him from sobriety? I thought the “anonymous” part of AA kept me from reporting him. I was nice while he talked; I didn’t want to upset him, being scared of his reaction if I told him to go away. I made sure someone I knew was always around when he was there; it was usually my sponsor. He told me during one of these times that he moved close to me (he is only one block away from me as the crow flies) on purpose, so he could keep tabs on me. I told him numerous times at the AA meetings to leave me alone, not follow me, that the protection order was there for a reason.

I am frustrated and scared. I was going to try and get the protection order extended beyond April 2021, but if it is a piece of paper that cannot be enforced, it is hard for me to go to the lengths to get it extended. Because of health reasons, I had to take a job that barely pays my bills, and any time that I take off would be a detriment to me. I cannot afford the attorney to do this for me anymore.

A woman should not have to carry with her a pocket knife and pepper spray at the ready every time she wants to take a simple walk around her neighborhood. She should not have to take videos of her sojourns on foot, keeping her hands out until her fingers go numb from holding the phone up constantly. A woman should not have to be on high alert every time she goes out of her house, wondering if she is going to be stopped…..will he pop out at the street in front of her? Will he come up from behind her? Will he see her and turn around? Will he cut her off when she tries to cross the street? These are all things he has tried to do to stop me from taking a simple walk around my home neighborhood.

I have even said goodbye to my AA community for a while, until this quiets down. I cannot go to meetings, wondering if he will show up, disturbing my peace and ability to share my feelings and parts of my life in AA. I was finally able to take a walk, a week and half after the last incident, and only at high alert, with protection, and constant videoing on a route with busy streets so he couldn’t slow down and follow me. I have a higher chance of being run over with the busy streets, but he can’t follow me that way. I shouldn’t have to choose what kind of safety is more important: high traffic or stalking.

I will leave the next step up to you and the district court. I will continue to be watchful, and live aware of my surroundings, knowing that unless I have proof, the protection order does not truly protect me.

I don’t want to live in fear.

Sincerely,

Julie S. Paschold

Update: I have had no answer from the district court yet (I mailed the letter December 1, 2020), but the visit from the police when I reported him may have scared my ex enough that he has stopped driving around the neighborhood looking for me. Either that or his work hours have changed and he doesn’t have the time right now. I’ve also changed my walking route to include busy streets that he can’t stop in the middle of and interrupt me.

But no one should live like this.

I posted this to make people aware that this happens — and that the way to prevent this from happening isn’t always getting the police involved — sometimes, it’s action on your part. I carry mace/pepper spray, a video camera via my smart phone available at a fingertip, and my pocket knife. I walk on the side of a busy street, and let a family member know where I’m going each time I walk or walk with a buddy. Once a couple on a walk with their dogs let me join them for part of the time.

Protect yourself.